Boy Cabin Shenanigans
by xBlueCrossFirex
Summary: Plays are great pass-times. Rated G for kiddie language.


2:00 AM, boys' cabin.

"You're fuckin' kidding me, right? MY ASS IS BIGGER THAN THAT!" Jean roared in a deafening display of butt-hurt pride. Yeah, his ass was definitely more round—not to say pudgy, because that's far from the truth—and bubbly and, well… more perfect, if not THE most perfect butt there was to be had in that very room. He tucked his hands underneath his armpits to pout and withstood the mock display of his and Mikasa's relationship.

Dazz crossed his arms in an X—rejection. He continued to twist about and contort his body into shapes and numbers, as well as ungracefully stumble and unintentionally spin a few times. "Mika—_hic_—Mikasa, I've written a love song for you!" he wailed drunkenly up to Reiner, who had adorned a black mop with moldy tresses dangling down to cover his dry, eye-matter filled gaze. "Mikas—HIC!—AH, MIKASA, LET DOWN YOUR FAIR TAR-COLORED HAIR! I WANT TO SCALE THOSE CROSS-HATCHED DREADS OF YOURS AND MEET YOUR FART TO FART! No, no, I mean MEET YOU FACE TO FACE!" The red-faced Dazz graced Reiner with a lazy smile. "And when our ice meets—oh, when our eyes meet—I can't stop myself from admiring your dead fish eyes! Glazed over like a well-endowed pastry… full of moisture like a canister, yet simply not enough to go around! A very disturbing—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jean growled, interjecting. "This is all wrong! Mikasa would be in my arms by now, hugging her savior…" he nodded while he glanced at Eren with a hollowed expression. Yes, the beast still slept… meaning that it relinquished its power and conceded defeat. So his adoring lady-love would have to peck him with a kiss. Hell, she could peck him all over if she wanted.

"Treat her kindly," Marco encouraged beside Jean, happily watching their shenanigans. He was lying on his stomach, and he nonchalantly waved his crossed feet like a metronome, back-and-forth through the air.

"Just come up here and kiss me, you fool," Reiner drawled with an effeminate, squeaky man impersonation. He puckered his chapped lips and leaned down to meet his drunken knight.

Bertl sat a few feet behind Reiner, scrunched up against the wall. He had his arms wrapped around his legs, and his feet were tightly knit together. He was listening to the "play," but he didn't care to watch. He wanted to be asleep, but he couldn't be. So he glued his half-lidded drowsy eyes to Reiner. Disapproval swam in them as he fought off sleep.

"HERE I COME!" Dazz bellowed with a prideful puff of the chest. He gave Reiner a genuine smile and flashed his dashing mossy teeth. "I am ready for yoooou," he sang at a shrill soprano. He grabbed onto the edge of Reiner's bunk's wooden board to hoist him up. His strong, busty arms (which weren't actually strong and had pots tied to them to give him some bulk) shook as he tried to heave himself up. His eyes widened with strain as he struggled to settle his chin on the bed's edge. It ended in failure, and he released the frame. He hit the wooden floor with a thud.

"W-we should be more quiet… even if Shadis isn't on patrol at this hour, there's a possibility of waking him up… his housing isn't far from here," Armin said, pushing Eren's foot away as it tried to smack him as he turned.

Eren rolled over and groaned. He didn't know what the ruckus was about, and he didn't care: he simply wanted all of them to shut up. His body ached from abuse, and even though it was a masochistic, "gimme more" type of pain, he still needed rest from training. His hazy stupor was shattered, and he became more than awake as his nerves spiked with fear.

The cabin door flew open, and a rush of ominous air gushed in from the outside. Shadis stood in the doorway, a hulking shadow blocking out the moonlight. "What's going on?" he droned as his breath frothed at his mouth.

"Um… well, you see sir, we're being recreational and… um…" Connie mumbled into a downward spiral of silence. Nothing anyone said would get them out of the shit they were in.

Shadis stared at Reiner and Dazz for a moment. "All of you will miss breakfast… and skip fifty laps along the track."

* * *

"I wonder what they did..." Christa frowned with a concerned look.

"Doesn't matter." Ymir set a bowl of raw eggs in front of Christa. "You have a job to do, and my stomach's not going to get any fuller if you sit and worry about them."

"Who knows what they did?" Mina sighed with a giggly laugh as she peeled a potato. "Boys will be boys, right Annie?" She flicked the skin into a wooden crate for trash. "... Annie?" the girl wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"They'll grow," Mikasa stated. She was working with Mina and potato peeling. She smiled as she thought of Eren. She gazed out the kitchen window and watched the boy run. A set scowl muddled his face. He looked right pissed as he swung a passionate arm in the air, no doubt conversing about titan killing. Or the events of last night and the fact that all of the boys were forced to run, even those that didn't participate in the rueful play.

* * *

**A/N**

I need to stop waking up between 1-3 AM and posting between 5-7 AM because this shit's going down. Don't ask. don't. ask.


End file.
